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It is a rainy morning and I take a break from working on the script for my book. Decided to write a little about me as a musician and a song writer instead today.
Photo by Christer Blum, Kungsträdgården 2012
My story started with growing up with music. We always talked about music in my home. "Is that a good song or a bad song? Good lyrics or bad lyrics?" Humming on melodies, correcting each other, making fun of singers, playing with tennis rackets as guitars, pretending being ABBA-members in the mirror with skip-rope-mics...and so on.
When I was in grade 3 my Dad started giving me lessons on the piano. In grade 5 I got a piano teacher at music school. Her name was Pepita and she was Spanish, around 150 cm tall. She had a terrible voice and used to sing along when correcting melody lines in my right hand and I thought "Please stop singing!". She always had high heels on and I remember looking at her feet on the pedals. As a teenager I started listening to symphonic pop like Mike Oldfield, Genesis, Pink Floyd and Yes. There was a natural link to classical music there. In grade 9 I applied for music gymnasium, an amazing change for me. Everybody as obsessed with music as me. So many talented and gifted 16-year olds in our class at the same place. We stayed late just to keep on practicing. The guy who locked the rooms at 9 in the evening found us still there, at school. And early before school the next morning again. After 3 years of studies there, I married and had my first son. Took some private vocal training classes. 5 years later I went for an audition at Royal Music Academy and to my surprise I passed all tests though freaking nervous. Coming from a background of amateurs - which literally means that you love what you do - jazzband players and folk musicians with no classical background - you feel very proud of when being a student at KMH. I learned a lot there and got friends for life. Though I got a lot of encouragement I still had to cope with being an underdog. Which made me strong and conscious about what music really is about. When starting teaching music I got questions from students everyday about teaching them how to play the guitar and the bass. So after saying no a thousand times I decided to get rid of my fear of those instruments, so I borrowed an electric guitar and a little amp. After 2 weeks that summer I got hooked. The electric guitar opened a new world to me and released new musical energy.
The next step was to accept my voice and dare to do lead singing. Started at work at school just because no one else dared to take the mic! Then I could be an example and let students take over the mic. So first I learned from them and then I started to teach them. Funny, right? Rock and blues singing has this naked frankness that liberates. Singing is very much about being relaxed and open-minded, and not being stuck in your mind. Most of all it is about being self confident. All good lead singers are luminous people. You can also say that singing makes you luminous. And the more you shine, the better a singer you get! After this change I decided to record some new songs with myself on vocals. Just to give it a try. That was the start of what I do today. The Bible says "Who dares dispise the day of small things?". You are probably a rough diamond. But if you never start working on sharpening it, you will never see it shine and you will never be able to profit from it. And noone else will have the chance to see the beauty of it. After breaking free from limits and expectations, I also started writing in a new way. The vocal training I got from practicing, led to a braveness in writing. "Avoid notes" became the key to my success.
Photo by Rikard Nyström
In 2010 I got in contact with musicians younger than me, but with the same energy and passion for music. Music connects people. Age is not important then. We started working in a studio in a basement. Where magic was born.
Being a musician and a song writer is, again, a lifestyle. Sometimes I want to just get rid of it, or breaking free from it - but I can't. It is my biggest joy and excitement in life. But also sometimes my biggest concern and reason to anger and frustration. It is a love story. I am married for life with Mr Music. He is always there and he is perfect. But you can never be neutral to him, you always have that relationship - and when going into intense periods of writing, recording and performing you know that there is no way out. Songs need to be finished, arrangements need to be done, recording sessions need to be scheduled - which is always hard when working with talented busy people. Studio time needs to be payed for, marketing and distribution, often done by yourself, touring costs, flight tickets, renting cars etc etc...When music is out, your baby is delivered. She/he is there, lying naked in the cold. Maybe reviews are bad. You doubt the meaning of doing this at all. You hug and feed your baby close. You rest. And then - you start over again. The Bible says that when a baby is born, the mother forgets the pain. And soon a new creature is starting to grow in its' womb again. Collecting ideas in your notebook, opening documents and go over new song ideas again and again. Having that vision of colours and shapes of songs and design of album covers.
It is a lifestyle, not a hobby. Basically it is more of a disease actually. That sounds very dramatic, I know, but the thing is that it describes the whole thing quite well. No guts no glory. Sometimes it is only about guts, for a long time. But the glory, which is the only thing of real importance is hearing people say: "Listened to your song yesterday. It lifted me up". That is what makes it worth any effort or any cost.
Photo by Victor Thunström
Photo by Christer Blum
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